Harapan by Fazli Zainal

Doaku agar kau kan selalu bahagia
Agar kau temui insan tulus menyayangimu
Lepaskanlah diriku kerna keredhaanmu
Bukan kerna dendam jua
Bukan kerna kau terpaksa
Ku tinggalkan memori bersamamu
Ku undur diri bersama harapan

Tidak kesampaian cinta kita
Ku bawa ku pendam rahsia
Ku di kejauhan mendoakan
Agar kau bahgia tiada lagi duka
Daku rela mengundur diri
Ku pasti dikau kan fahami

Tiada penyesalan kasihku korbankan
Andai telah tertulis ku terima
Ini bukannya ku pinta
Oh pergilah dikau diiringi keikhlasanku
Cuma pengalaman mengisi kekosongan mimpiku

Boring Day..

It's a boring day..boss is outstation..My best 2 colleagues take emergency leave-somebody in their family pass away,and since they're cousins-so I'm alone today. Dad already go back to KB with his friends this morning..Only mum stay with me a little bit longer..

I thought i want to ask mum to just go back and stay with dad. At least have someone to take care about him..And I'm really worried about my dearest daddy..=( But mum a bit stubborn, she don't want to go back yet. It's your choice mum..

Erm..I've a lot of works to settle here in my office but today really don't have any mood to finish it..Wish time will stop for a while, so that I can have a rest without wasting a time...Huuhuu..

Challenging Year of 2010

This year,2010, supposed to be my year. A tiger year. But it's full with challenges. Sometimes I really don't know how to handle all this things. It's really annoying. I'm hurt..I'm tired..I fall sick for so many times..

Now it's going to end already. But I'm not sure whether the challenges will also end or continues..GOD, I'm really tired with all the problems happened within this year..I wish I could have a better life from next year onwards..

wish for no more tears..Wish for no more sickness..Wish for no more pains..Wish for no more heartbreaks..Wish for no more memories come back...Wish for it..=(

My Dad..

Dad..
What happen to you my dear dad? Suddenly you do something that I never expect..what happen dad? Do you feel not well? Are you sick dad? Please dad, take care of yourself. Go and see the doctor..Be careful with the food you take..Take care of your health..Please don't fall sick..I'm far away here..I'm really worried about you dad..Erm..I miss you daddy..

Heart Sick!

Yesterday evening, around 5pm my boss ask me for a talk about work and some personal things. For about an hour we're discussing so many things. But there are things that really makes me feel heart sick!

I don't know why they have to be jealous with me..Do I disturb you guys doing your work? I did back up you guys when you all having trouble, didn't I? What else you expect me to do so that you are willing to talk good about me? Why should you give such a nonsense info to boss?

Even if I do some stupid things, it never disturb my work. And I'll never let my personal things to disturb my work. And I'll never do a bad things in a place where I work. You guys never expect what will I do if I know all this things right? Be careful guys, I'm longer believe anyone of you. Even maybe not all is involve, but I can't trust anyone anymore for my own sake.

I've done so many things to appreciate you guys as my friends. But this is how you all treating me?? NO MORE TRUST from now on. I'm really feel heart sick, even boss said 'don't feel heart sick,k..'..Sir, I'm sorry for that. I don't think I can just let it be.

I've been working here almost 1 year, and I've done so many things to help you. I've tried my best to do my works so that you can satisfied with me. I've tried to make you proud of me. But I never notice that you will also check on my personal life. Sir, for whatever I've done in my personal life, is nothing to do with my work performance. I'm trying my best to help you Sir..I already fall in love with this place, to work here as your assistance, even I've been told that not everyone is willing to work just like what I've done for my work here.

Even some people saying that you are just taking advantage of me because I'm always doing the job specs that actually is not my responsibilities, I'm still doing it. For you Sir, as my boss..Because I know that you are a good boss that I may can't get outside elsewhere..But Sir, I still feel heart sick..until at this moment..And I keep on thinking, will you believe them more than me till you lose your trust on me? I wonder how..hurm..

It Comes Again...

This morning when I wake up, I got an SMS and a miscall from him..An SMS saying that he still can't forget me even he already have a new GF..he just be with that girl with no feel..Hurmm..

If he is not ready to forget me, why would he accept that girl? B..please don't break her heart..I believe that girl is trying her best to win your heart. Don't disappoint her just because of me..

I'm also trying my best to keep away our memories, because I don't want to break anyone's heart anymore..I've promised to my mother and my partner, that I'm not going to turn back..And for sure, I'm not going to hurt your girl's heart because you already going on steady with her..And I'm also a girl, so I can understand her feeling when the person that we love still keep on thinking about the past..

B..lets try our best to keep away all our memories..Just for the sake of our new partners..Please..I beg you..I don't want something else happen if we can't handle our feeling..It's too dangerous..

Feeling hurt...but for what?

These few days I keep on remembering him..Til today, I try to access him thru facebook..And I saw his pictures...with his new gf...My God, my heart wanna boost! Feel like I can't accept it..

Finally, he reveal it.His new girl..I don't know what to say..Even I'm also already with someone, I never ready to reveal him to any of my old friends..Only my recent colleagues know him, just because we work on the same company..

B, I just can wish you congratulation...May she can treat you well..Give you happiness more than what I've gave you..Good looking, almost same height with you right? Erm..younger than us also..Not bad at all..I just wish you both all the best..

Treat her well..Loves her more than you do to me.Take a good care of her..Make sure you don't just play around with her..Go ahead with your life plan..have a good life..And never forget me in your pray..

For My Dear...

Suddenly this few days I keep on thinking about you. Just like you are always here by my side. I still can remember all the things that we had done together. All our memories here and there. Where had we gone together, what's our routine on weekend, how good your family treat me..All our memories,is like everywhere in my mind nowadays..

I have to say that I'm very lucky to have you as my special..You complete me, you cheer up my life. Seriously, I'm saying that with all my heart..But..you are no more by my side..And I'm the one who chase you away from me..=( I'm really hurt, but I have no choice..I have to do it..Dear...I still missing you..Swear to God,I still can't forget you..

I'm sorry that I have to hurt you this way..I will always pray for you..All the best in your life my dear..I don't think that I can turn back the time, so don't ever look for me again..Live up your life..Go and get a good spouse for yourself. I'm sure you will get a better person than me..I wish you all the best my dear..

And your will always here in my heart..and my heart will always goes on...(!_!)

A new...life?

It has been a while since I've been writing here...hurm...so many changes happen in my life this few months..I'm not sure should it be, or should not. I don't know if this is the best choice, or the worst in my life..

Mum..I wish u are happy now..Coz I'm not longer in a relationship with that guy..

Dad..I wish u will get well soon..Take care of your health..Be careful with your blood pressure..

Pa..thanks for always be by my side..Even it's hard for us, we manage to stay together..

B..I'm sorry for everything..I know I'm wrong..I've hurt you..but you don't have to know why I'm doing all this..All you have to know that I'm not a right person for you..

Uncle..I'm sorry coz I've broke your trust on me..

Auntie..I'm deeply sorry for not giving a second chance for your son..

Guys..I'm sorry that I can't longer spare a time with you all..

Amim..I'm sorry that can't hug n kiss u anymore..Grow up nicely my little baby..

Friends..I'm sorry for being away from everyone for a long time..

Sir..I'm sorry for sometimes I'm not doing my job properly..

Everybody..please forgive me..

I'm trying my best to live a new life nowadays..But it's really hard for me..And I'm really scared to think about my future..What will happen soon? I really have no idea..

Lost concentration...

I can't concentrate on my work..Damn it!*sigh*..what should I do??God...I lost my way..

Lonely...

It've been a while since I write a post here..So many problems happens nowadays..til I feel really hard to breath...like there's no way of happiness I can achieve..God,help me..I'm really upset right now..where should I go?what should I do?I have no idea..I'm really tired with all of this..really bored..I want to change for a good..

Yet, I need somebody to lend me a hand..I'm afraid that I can't do it alone..I'm really want to go back to what I am supposed to be..Not to be involve in this kind of lifestyle..God, I feel that I've already forget Your way..please..I want a real life! (-.-)

Why...

Why she don't like him?Why?Why don't she bless us?Mom...I really can't read your heart this time..Why you against our relationship?Did he ever hurt you?Or you just pretend not to like him because he's still a college student, and not working and have no money to spend for me?

Why mom??Why??I'm really sad..Always lost my mind because of this stupidness.Mom,I love him.He never hurt me,never betray our relationship.Even myself can't be so honest like him.Like I said in previous post,I've fall for someone even I've already have my special.Yes,my special is this guy that I really love.He know that I'm close with someone.yet he still love me and care about me.

Mom,this guy didn't mean to steal me from you.If you think he will take me away from you,you are wrong.He has no power to do that.You are my mother,the one who give birth to me.Nobody can separate us Mom..Even if I got married one day, I will still want you to live with me.But know...

I don't think I can have that kind of dream..Can I really get married with him?If yes,how can we live together since you seems to hates him so much..And if the answer is no,how was the end of our relationship?How is this suppose to be?Why is this thing happen to me?Why?Why?Why?????? (~.~)

Feeling Down...

I feel really down today..I don't know how and why I became like this. It's very tiring. I think I want to live alone. By myself only. No family, no friends, and no one else to take care about. So I'm free to do whatever I want to. I don't need to think about others.

But when I think about it, that kind of life is no meaning. I'll be very boring and lonely. I need my family. I do need my friends. And as a human being of course I do need someone to take care about.*sigh*

How to live happily together ever after? I have no idea. My dear virtual diary, this is the only place that I can tell everything. But can I really share with all my heart here? I don't really know..(^_^)

Boring....

It's a boring day..I feel really really very boring..everyday doing the same routine, having the same meal at noon, meeting the same people..haiz...I miss my previous job..enjoy,lots of friends,meeting different types of people..guys..miss you all...(^_^)

Quote of The Day

You are just a memory..Sometimes even a good memory..(^_^)

I Miss Her...

Today's story is about one of my best friend.I'll call her W.Well,I'm the only one who call her as my best friend,I'm not sure if she also think like that for me.Today I'm trying to find out any news from her using internet resources,but didn't make it. Actually I have her phone number, and I'm sure she's still using it. But I have no guts to call her or SMS her.

Yet,I'm still missing her.My best friend ever..Why should we become like an enemy?Just because of my innocent mistake, you never contact me anymore.I'm just like a killer of your life..W, I didn't meant to abandon you. I really want to be your friend, forever after. But it seems like you don't want to forgive me after that thing happened.

It wasn't my fault at all! I'm not purposely trying to do that. I'm in a rush. I didn't realize that you put that thing down there. I just look around where I can hang my clothes, and there I found the nail. Right upside of the table, and for God sake I didn't notice that you put your beloved lappy down there..And I really don't know that my clothes is really wet..

Guys, I've been hated by my own best friend ever..I'm very upset..(!_!)

Others Blogs

I just finish visiting one of my friend's blog. Quite simple but nice. Her post is more about her personal thinking and feeling, her life story and also her hobbies..Hurmm, I think that's a good idea that I can adapt for my next entries. Can't wait for it? Just be patient a little more..(^_^)

It's Always The Same

I feel very boring today. When I come to work, it looks like I'm doing the same thing again and again..Early in the morning, yes I'm quite busy. But when its 10am, and boss is not around, I start to feel sleepy, hungry, and boring..huu.what I'm talking about? I also don't know..*sigh* Just let it be..Let it continue for another few days, I think..(^_^)

Micheal Wong Guang Liang - Tong Hua (Fairytale)

Wang le you duo jiu
Zai mei ting dao ni
Dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi
Wo xiang le hen jiu
Wo kai shi huang le
Shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le shen me

#
Ni ku zhao dui wo shuo
Tong hua li du shi pian ren de
Wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi
Ye xu ni bu hui dong
Cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
Wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le

*
Wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
Ni ai de na ge tian shi
Zhang kai shuang shou
Bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
Ni yao xiang xin
Xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
Xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

Repeat # and *

Wo yao bian cheng tong hua li
Ni ai de na ge tian shi
Zhang kai shuang shou
Bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
Ni yao xiang xin
Xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
Xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

Wo hui bian cheng tong hua li
Ni ai de na ge tian shi
Zhang kai shuang shou
Bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
Ni yao xiang xin
Xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
Xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

Yi qi xie wo men de jie ju..



(^_^) this is the lyric of my favourite song in Huayu Pinyin. Soon I will post the translation in English. (^_^)

Memorable Song

Tong Hua by Micheal Wong Guang Liang; is my favourite song. Tong Hua means Fairytale. Yes, its like a fairytale for me. How come I fall in love with this song? All thanks to my friend, Tressa, who trust me to help repair her laptop years ago. In her laptop, I found a videoclip of this song. Starts from that, I keep on listening and memorizing the lyrics.

After I finish my degree, I'm working as a customer service executive. Then I met one Chinese guy,a good looking guy. And he is my collegue. As the time pass through, our friendship becomes closer. He knows that I love this song too much. So, everytime I got into his car he will surely switch on this song using his car mp3 player. And it will repeated again and again and again...

And not only that, he sang this song and recorded it with his cellphone. Then he sent it to me while we're working together at the same event. Its just half of the song, since the memory can't support full song to be recorded. After few weeks, I remember that time he was in the event at Johor while I'm at Selangor. He fall sicks, quite bad coz doctor suspect he got ILI simptom.

While I was in the middle of the battle to get qualified as a trainer, he sent me another record. It's the another half of the song that he sang to me before. Idiot. You're still in pain but forcing yourself to sing the song. Man..I feel that I already fall for him. No way! I can't do that, because I'm already have someone.

Huu..too bad I can't control my feeling towards him. Time pass through...Life is going on. Now, its already 7 months since last I saw him. At that time, we're going to separate ourselves to different events. I still remember what he said to me that time..And how I wave to him..And I just realized that was a goodbye wave..

And up until now, everytime I listen to Tong Hua song, all our memories will come just like a flash screen in my head. I've tried to forget him, but I can't. And I try to throw away the feeling that I have towards him. Also, I can't...God, what should I do? I believe we have no hope to be with each other..

Well, after all I just keep on listening to the song. Of course I should, because its Tong Hua..Yes, I will keep it in my heart forever. As my Tong Hua..my Fairytale..(^_^)

Testing..testing..

Blogging using new medium-sony ericsson w705a-is cool!hehe..now i'm still at office,surfing using wirelesskl wifi..not bad..(^_^)

Nothing Special..

Huhu..actually its nothing special to write on today. Just feel like wanna post something..I'm just finish eating my lunch today. Feel very sleepy since the stomach already full with food. Hehe...=P

Well, last night my BF told me that his father got accident while using his Ferrari (LC motorcycle actually,but I call it Ferrari since its red). Thanks God its just a small accident with no injury. Hurmm..elders should not use that kind of motorcycle because its not stable enough especially for a big size..*just my opinion, not to complaint anything ok..*

Another not-so-good thing is, my parents is fighting again yesterday. And the reason is my mum didn't hear a phone call-that's me calling her-so my dad yelled to mum to answer the phone. What the h**l with yelling? If you know that person can't hear it, why not you just go and pick up the call? It's better right? *sigh..*

Mum really angry with dad. She keep on babbling until I came home after work, and keep going on til she went to sleep. *sigh..* My dear Dad, why should you always makes mum angry?

Its really pressuring me when mum got angry. I can't even eat properly, and sleep with tears in my eyes..Mum,Dad, I love both of you so much..please stop fighting and live harmonily..I don't want to be like big bro, that has been escaped from home since 11 years ago, just to have his own freedom.

Too bad, I can't turn back the time..Life is going on and on..And cannot be reversed. What should I do? I'm not sure..For the time being, just carry on with current situation. Wanna know more about my life story? Wait for another post ya! GTG! (^_^)

Today's Entry - 03/06/2010

Today's Friday. I come to office as usual. And as usual, I will use my brain to think about so many things that I don't know whether I should think of it or not.

Some people say we don't need to think too much because at the end of the day it will settle just like it should be. But another people say we must think how to settle it because if we not, its just like we're running away from the reality. Hurmm..

I really have no idea what to do now. Sometimes when its too much pressuring, I feel like wanna die. But I can't, & I don't want to die yet, that's reality. For some people, my problems is nothing. I'm just thinking too much. But what if I make a decision now and it become worse, doesn't it hurt? Well, I know that 'hurt' will teach us the meaning of life. But it will hurt others too..I don't want to hurt anyone when I'm making any decision. So how?

Well, I think you guys are questioning now, "what is your problem actually?". Huu..how should I start it? Give me some times, I will share it later..

My Life Journey

Assalamualaikum & good morning everybody! my new blog has just been created again..blog lama I dah delete,coz nak start a new fresh blog again..huhu..ape nak citer dalam blog ni ek?hurmm..tak tau lagi coz takde idea..saje je nak menyemak kat sini.if ade any story I akan post ok!hehe..see you soon! (^-^)